What Would you Expect?

How do you measure success when there’s no clear feedback?

Not just at work, but as a parent, a partner, a friend?

Sometimes, you’ll get recognition: a promotion at work, a thank-you at home, a hug from your kids. But what about when it’s radio silence?

Some say no news is good news. Maybe that’s true. But there’s always that nagging sense of uncertainty.

I’ve know of one easy way to evaluate yourself without waiting for a conversation.
It starts by flipping the script, and asking one simple question:

What would you expect?

Imagine, for a moment, that you’re the other person – your client, your boss, your spouse. What would you want to see from yourself?

A manager I worked for years ago used to answer most of our questions the same way.
“What do you think I would want? What would you want if you were me?”
Eventually, we stopped asking because we realized that in most cases, we already knew the answer. It was a lesson that I’ve carried with me all these years later.

Sometimes I wonder how I’m doing as a husband. After kids, there’s not always time for a performance review over a glass of wine (if that’s even a thing). But I’ve found I can ask myself:
If I were in her shoes, what would I expect?

Sometimes it’s more time together. Sometimes, it’s less stress about the small stuff. And sometimes, it’s just doing what I said I’d do – in a timely manner.

Not long ago I realized my wife’s primary love language isn’t one of the traditional five. It’s… efficiency. Doing things quickly. She’s not one to postpone anything that can be done right away. A cardboard box by the door for more than a few hours? That’s my danger zone. Oddly enough, it’s become a real-time performance metric I can track.

And this same principle applies in business.

If your hot water tank breaks, what do you expect when you call for service?
You likely don’t want to hear, “We can send someone out next week.”
You want urgency.

If you’re the plumber, seeing things through this flipped lens, maybe you start thinking about lending out temporary solutions until you can schedule a crew to be there – anything other than “We’ll fit you in when it’s convenient for us” is an improvement, and differentiator.

These small shifts in perspective change everything. Especially your confidence.

What else can you do?

There’s a military concept that says: If you wait for perfect information, you’ve waited too long.

Leaders are trained to act when they have 60–70% confidence, because momentum often matters more than certainty.

You can always adjust while moving. But you can’t steer a parked car.

In most cases, a bias toward action will solve 99% of the “how am I doing?” question – or feeling you’re having.

If you’re moving forward, making progress, and consistently pushing things along, you’re probably doing more than just fine.

When things feel unclear, these little shifts in perspective help. Just remember..

What would I expect if the roles were reversed?

You already have the answer.
Now take action.

🔗 Connect with me at linkedin.com/in/scottschoeneberger.